How to Make Mom Friends

I think we all have a vision of what Motherhood looks like. Beautiful cherubic baby, coordinating outfits, super soft blankets, and of course, a slew of mommy friends to commiserate with. Problem is, mommy friends are not only not guaranteed, they are incredibly hard to find. I admit, I was one of those women who thought I’d make immediate friends. Hell, I was a successful businesswoman. I had contacts. I had lunch meetings. I had Happy Hour. I was cool.

Then, I took my first birth class. I left in wide-eyed horror. Who WERE these women? No one looked like me, lived the same life as me and gasp, wanted to be my immediate BFF. So there I was, pregnant, feeling pregnant, and having no idea where I was supposed to meet my counterparts.

My corporate Happy Hour friends were no longer interested in hanging out with me, and certainly didn’t want to have a conversation about the latest models of mini-vans or baby carriers. I know I was never interested in such things in my pre-pregnancy days. In fact, I would rather have listened to someone describe quitting smoking, discuss yoga or recount a weird dream they had the night before. I don’t blame them for not wanting to hear about all things baby…but I still needed friends.

Things only got worse when Nate was born. To be totally honest, I didn’t leave the house with my son for three months. Even then, my big adventures were to Target. I’d cruise the aisles hoping beyond hope that I’d run into another mom with a baby and find a friend. It didn’t happen. I needed a plan.

See, the thing is, around here, everyone is from somewhere else. We seem to lack a consistent social identity, not only in Woodinville, but in the greater Seattle area. Folks tend to define themselves not by where they live or their cultural heritage but by personality traits that seem pretty solid in nature. I guess we all tend to cling to things that try to define us, which is great…unless it prevents us from actually getting to know each other. And unless I could find an Ex-New Yorker, Irish-Italian New Moms Group, I was screwed.

So what is a girl to do in Woodinville with a new baby and no friends? Why, go online of course.

I ditched the Evergreen classes the first week. I got a weird vibe, but people swear by them. They are free and plentiful, and offer consistent parenting support and a chance to socialize with other new moms. I just didn’t like the hospital-vibe and as a mom who had a voluntary C-section, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

On to meetup.com, also free to use. I found a great group, Dragonflies and Ladybugs, which schedules meetings with other parents, mostly SAHMs (Stay at Home Moms). We met at the mall, coffee shops and such and it was a great way to test the waters. Some moms I clicked with. They had kids the same age, they lived in my neighborhood. The moderators weren’t strict about membership or attendance (which some are, and I’ve been booted by the best of them for non-conformity). I’m still friends with Moms I met through this group and I coordinate Tot Spot Café events as a co-organizer.

Though meetup was great, I really needed a more consistent group with the same moms, scheduled activities and more activities catered to me as a mom. I found it. It’s called Eastside Mother’s Club. It’s been around since 1985 and is a well-rounded group focused on the Eastside. They have a board stocked with moms who are on a mission to make sure you are supported and are having fun. They have scheduled activities for both moms and kids…but more importantly, they have book club.

Book Club gave me a chance to get out of the house sans-kids one night a month and talk about adult things with adults and eat food that doesn’t come in nugget form. EMC is where I met my best friends.

In all, it was hard for me to meet new friends with a baby. I had to really put myself out there and, admittedly, I struck out a lot. But I kept going and managed to find my tribe. I encourage you to do the same.