Moms Talk: Stop the Biting

A good friend of mine was holding her 2-year-old son the other day and he turned toward her shoulder and bit her. Hard. She actually had to stick her fingers in his cheeks to get him to let go. This wasn’t the first time, of course, and it wasn’t going to be the last.

See, this behavior happens every stinkin’ time she tries to get him to leave a place that he’s not quite ready to depart from.

Kid’s responses to undesired situations have a lot of range. Some kids flop like 70’s protestors. Some scream and kick. Some run away. Some smarty-pants kids even try to bargain for “five more minutes!” Some kids bite.

There are plenty of reasons why kids express themselves one way or another, but biting is something that, in my humble opinion, shouldn’t be tolerated.

But they don’t have words! Oh, the top excuse for biting. How I have heard it uttered from so many experts and parents. Sure, kids have immature language development and may use biting to express themselves…if you let them.

My son tried exactly once to bite me and, well, I dropped him like "it’s hot.” I gasped, I let go of him and slid him down my leg and I walked away.

Most experts would have you believe that I did the wrong thing here. I should have snuggled him and maintained eye contact and gently told him that when he bites me it hurts Mommy and I love him so much and that I’m sorry I didn’t redirect him before he….blah…blah…blah.

Honestly, if YOU came up and bit me, I’d give you the same reaction. In my universe, biting is not tolerated.

Bite ‘em Back! Trust me, I can see the desire for a little bite-for-a-bite. I’ve seen it mentioned a lot on the Mommy Boards, but really, you can’t solve hitting with hitting or biting with biting…especially at the toddler stage! Just don’t do it. It sets a bad precedent for future interactions with your child. I’m not suggesting just taking it. I’m suggesting having a solid plan of action for what happens if they do bite.

Know Thy Triggers! Does your child always bite at the end of a playdate? End the playdate earlier. Do they wait until you are in the other room to gnaw on their baby sister? Well, you can’t leave them alone. These two scenarios account for the most biting issues I hear raised in mommydom.

If you’ve got a biter, please do yourself a favor and avoid situations where you know they are not able to handle themselves.

Bite and We Go! This is simple cause and effect. If you child bites, respond. Respond in the same way each and every time. If they bite at a playdate, please don’t just let them loose. Clearly, you need to monitor them at play to prevent another bite. Show them the effect. If you have to leave after five minutes, you leave. Don’t give them the toy back that they just bit over. I know it’s frustrating but it is also temporary…if you Mom Up and do something about it.