Woodinville Moms Talk: Parenting the Un-Parented Kid

This week, Christine M is wondering what to do when a child you don’t know needs parenting and the mom is not present. I’m not talking about mom nicking out to run to the restroom to change a baby or checking a quick email, we’re talking the type of mom that drops and ignores. They do it at playdates, at the mall and at the playground. They situate themselves as far out of earshot as possible and typically are connected to some sort of device, be it something that starts with a lowercase “I” or contains the word “Berry”.

Their children, on the other hand, are likely used to being ignored and un-parented and are the ones most likely to snatch toys, push babies and, to pull a comparison from the Back to the Future franchise, act like the toddler version of Biff Tannen.

So what is a mom to do around these little terrors, err…toddlers?

Here’s what NOT to do. Don’t ignore the situation. Don’t be the afraid to parent in the absence of a responsible adult, especially if your child is in any sort of danger. Jump in, State the Rule, Find the Mom. But please, don’t over-do it. Don’t expect little kids to be able to share effectively. Don’t horde toys for your own child (No, no, little friend, my Jimmy is playing with ALL the train toys right now, can I interest you in a ball of string?) and certainly feel free to intervene even if it isn’t your child being injured, harassed or bullied.

And never, ever, never wait for another child to reach a boiling point and return the aggression. It’s our JOB as parents to teach our kiddos how to deal with the situation in the correct way.

So what can you do? Go with the “Where is your Mommy, honey?” approach. Keep asking this question in louder and louder tones until the mom looks up from her iPad and moseys over. When the mom comes over, act very relieved and, with hand over heart, state loudly, “Oh thank GOODNESS, I thought this child was abandoned and I was going to call 911!”

This reaction, if voiced, will prevent you from ever having mom friends again. ..so you might want to just say that part in your own mind.

Totally expect the parent to chew you out. It comes with the territory. Moms are totally defensive of their offsprings. It happens. In their hearts, they know they are totally in the wrong and are just trying to save face. Look to the other moms in the space for the approving nods of gratitude. It’s about all you can do.

So, my question back to you this week is, what is the opposite of a helicopter parent? What do we call this style of parent that assumes a 3-year-old has enough mental acumen to navigate complex social relationships alone?

I was thinking Grenade Parent…they drop their little darling into the sandbox and run, waiting for them to explode. Every time I think of the term Grenade Parent, however, I imagine the horrible day a 2-year-old mistook my Bumbo for a potty chair and dropped drawers in play area. I still shudder at the image of that particular “explosion”.