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Health & Fitness

"The Help" in My Village

Inspired by the celebrated film "The Help," this author takes a moment to reflect on the "village" that helped raiser her own four children.

 

Watching the lovely ladies of The Help during the Oscars (celebrating Octavia Spencer's victory, while feeling that Viola Davis got "robbed"), I couldn't help thinking of the many women who helped raise my own children.

Most of us believe that "it takes a village" to raise good kids, and even if we aren't '60s-era Southerners with full-time Mammies, we are still indebted to the relatives, friends and paid professionals who help out.

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After all, who doesn't appreciate the impact of having another adult tell your child, "You is kind, you is smart, you is important"?

While I am fortunate to enjoy a wide circle of supportive friends, one girlfriend in particular provided unparalleled assistance after my first baby arrived. Sadly, she had just lost a son -- who died at five months of heart problems -- so I worried that my boy's birth might prohibit our friendship. To the contrary, she offered to serve as his nanny one day a week after I took a part-time job, and taught volumes about baby care and love. She and my son formed a special bond that is still strong 18 years later.

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I worked in various permutations of full- and part-time until my fourth child was born. As such, I relied on the help of paid professionals, who often spent more waking hours with my kids than I did. At first, I struggled to abdicate control and secretly worried they might be more qualified for child care than I was. But soon, I learned to value the unique contributions they could offer.

Paige reminded me to set chores aside -- the dishes and laundry could wait -- and have fun with the kids. I often arrived home from work to find the kids dancing in the living room or digging for worms in the yard. Yes, I might also find a mess in the kitchen or unmatched outfits, but I soon learned that the kids' happiness mattered more than the house's order.

To read more about the "village" of family, friends and nannies who helped raise my kids, click on this link. My friend and colleague and I take turns updating our weekly blog, Permission Slips.

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