Schools

How to Help Teenagers Experiencing Grief and Loss or Trauma

Here is a list of signs to watch out for and resources to find help.

Editor’s note: Following the death of Woodinville High School senior Sam Egeck on June 4, many people in the community have asked for resources for grief counseling.

Principal Vicki Puckett has a list of resources on the school’s website as well as a letter addressing Sam’s death. She wrote, “It is with great sadness that I inform you that one of our seniors and fellow classmates, Sam Egeck, died from a gunshot wound over the weekend. Sam was a great kid. He was a friendly, fun-loving young man who liked to have a good time and loved auto mechanics. He is remembered as a loyal friend who was always there for his friends, and Sam was well respected by his peers. Sam was set to graduate this Wednesday evening and was recently accepted and enlisted in the Marine Corps, to start training in August. This is a tragic loss to our school community.”

The following is a list of resources provided by the Northshore School District as well as the warning signs for trauma and depression in teens.

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Common Responses to Grief and Trauma:

• Depression

• Denial

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• Repression

• Anger

• Often more willing to talk to friend or adults outside of their family

• Similar range of mourning patterns and reactions to adults

Signs of Distress:

• Depression that interferes with normal functioning

• Anger, often directed toward parents or school personnel

• Non-compliance, acting out

• Rejection of former beliefs and teachings

• A “nothing matters anymore” attitude

• Role confusion

 How to Help:

• Encourage verbalization

• Do not take control

• Encourage self-motivation

• Listen, be available

• Do not attempt to take the feelings away

• Ask for the teens input about what would be helpful to them

Teens having serious problems with trauma and loss may show one or more of these signs:

• An extended period of depression in which the teen loses interest in daily activities and events

• Inability to sleep, dramatic change in appetite, prolonged fear of being alone

• Acting much younger for an extended period

• Events that trigger memories of the trauma cause very strong emotional responses

• Repeated statements of wanting to be dead or feeling hopeless

• Withdrawal from friends

• Sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school

• Pre-occupation with the potential death of others or their own death

These warning signs indicate that professional help may be needed. Child and adolescent therapists can help youth cope with loss and process traumatic events. The school counselor or psychologist is a good place to start if you are concerned about a student. Don’t second guess yourself, if your instincts tell you that an individual needs extra help, act on your feelings and take action.

Bereavement Specialist Resources 

Evergreen Hospital, Kirkland

Mary Hejnal LICSW Bereavement Specialist, 425-899-1077

Providence Everett

Ursala Schwinn, LICSW 

Children’s Bereavement Specialist, 425-261-4807 

Providence has spousal loss group that meets the 2nd and 4th Thursdays from 2-3:30pm   at:  2731 Wetmore Ave, Everett

Swedish Edmonds (formerly Stevens)

Kathleen Albin, Bereavement Coordinator, 425-640-4404

They offer a number of support groups to meet the needs of those suffering from different types of loss and for those at specific stages of grieving.

For a list of bereavement related websites click here.

For more information go to:


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